Friday 15 July 2016

Manna Manuka

Several times I have stalled a post because I still haven't told you about this:


Manna Manuka is out in the world! The labour was fast and wonderful. Ember (Pickle has decided I should use her real name too) was my birth partner for the first three hours, copying my 'funny movements' while I managed back-to-back contractions, fetching clean pants every time my waters broke (there was an ocean in there) and phoning Granny to let her know. Regardless of age, I couldn't have asked for a better person to be with me. She was calm but excited, did everything I asked and even made me laugh. With a big grinding crunch (yes, ouch), Manna spun round to the perfect position and the contractions got much faster, but also much easier for me. Gappy came to play with Ember and my excellent friend and neighbour Miriam came to take over as birth partner and get me to the hospital. Her husband drove us and we spent a looooong time in a traffic jam (tip: don't go into labour on a Saturday morning) while I tried not to groan too alarmingly, but we got there in time and Manna was born an hour later, weighing 8' 6". She was grey and floppy in a way which makes my heart tremble as I write. The midwife couldn't get her breathing, so the neonatal superheroes flooded in and after just a few puffs of the oxygen mask she was breathing fine. I lost a very messy amount of blood, which is why I can never have a homebirth - way too much cleaning to do afterwards, but I didn't need a tranfusion.

Once I had been stitched and had a cursory bath (why do my daughters feel the need to cover me in meconium at first sight?), I fed Manna her first bottle. I was sad I didn't have a breast to offer her, but the way she guzzled it down then looked so content afterwards reassured me this was good enough. And I knew I had milk from some wonderful women in the freezer at home. Ember wanted to be the first to know Manna's name, so I told her over the phone and she announced it to Gappy and my parents. This is the sisters' first meeting:


Ember has been such an amazing big sister. I didn't imagine she would be so unfailingly tender and understanding. I feel I am falling in love with Ember in a new way, as I fell in love with Thomas in a new way seeing him with Ember.


Manna herself is awesomely contented and smiley. She even sleeps! In the night! She had bad reflux and took a while to get her birthweight back and she struggles with colic still, but generallly she looks like this:


She is cute in both ways, always watching, learning; now grabbing whatever she can.


When she was three months I had my final surgery - ovaries and fallopian tubes out. It is a big relief to feel safer, although it has been tricky getting the HRT balanced, but I think I'm there now. I didn't have to stay in hospital overnight, so Gappy had a day with Manna. It was very painful to leave her for so long, but of course she was quite happy:





So now she is splendidly plump and already very keen to be up at the table with the big girls. She is so pleased with herself and merrily teeths on bell pepper or carrot, grinning all the while.


I am so happy with both my daughters. Of course it isn't always easy being a single mum with two children and there have been times of deep grief for the loss of Thomas too, but we feel like a complete and loving family, which is all I ever wanted. Our next adventure is to find a new home, but we'll stay in Chagford and maybe it will be a strengthening thing, in the end, to get some distance from the memories which overlay this house and garden for me. There are so many more memories to be made and I will do everything I can to make them very, very happy.

16 comments:

  1. Lunar, you are a wonderful Mother, and you and your girls will make wonderful memories together...Reading this has made me smile so much xx

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  2. Well done, you lovely family! Neat to find out Pickle's name too, they are both beautiful! Wishing you all the joy.

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  3. Oh, how sad, they don't come out as hearts. That was me sending the three of you one love heart each. They should be making a pretty pattern, as gorgeous as each of you girls, skipping and dancing together in a glorious swirl of love.

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  4. I'm so made up for you, lovely. This is wonderful and what a bonny baby. Two beautiful daughters, on awesome mum and many adventures to come. Wishing you all the best times.xxx

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  5. How wonderful and life a firming.

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  6. I am so happy for you, congratulations and many blessings to your wonderful family.

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  7. That photo of your girls meeting for the first time is pure magic. Wishing you and your family all the very best, Lunar.

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  8. Thank you everybody. It is not a simple decision to share my girls with the world, especially at this most vulnerable time, but all they receive is love so I am very glad to have done so.

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  9. You are all three of you incredibly beautiful in every way. Wishing you all much laughter and happy snuggles xxx

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  10. Lovely to see sweet Manna!So much in your life, glad you are feeling safe and full of family :) Blessings on finding a new, lovely home for you three. Such a wonderful image of Ember meeting Manna, Ember exudes love and tenderness with her little sister, beautiful.

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  11. She's a cutie! I love the pic of the fingers and toes in the air! She bears a very strong family resemblance to you all so I can totally see why people say she looks like Thomas. :) It's lovely to see Ember holding her baby sister, such tenderness.
    Jess xx

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  12. It is such a joy to hear that everything is fine, you, the new baby, the old baby. Congratulations!--Jane

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  13. I am so happy for you .. and awed by how you transcend ..

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  15. Dear Luna! I have been following your blog for a little while now (I found you via Rima's blog). It is truly wonderful to see you so happy with your little one! My little family sends much love to yours. I too have had Bilateral Salpingo Oopherectomy last year and am currently trying to juggle those hormones! Can I suggest that if you're finding yourself lacking energy still and maybe low mood, that you DO push for the addition of bioidentical testosterone in addition. It really does make all the difference, and we ladies with BSO lose 75% of our testosterone production too when our ovaries are gone. This is what gives us our 'get up and go'. You may of course know all about this already......If not, please go and take a look at Professor John Studd's website. He is the leading expert here in the UK. We are allowed to receive the Testosterone therapy now according to the new NICE guidelines. Anyway, I hope my ramblings find you well and I do hope my wee bit of advice isn't too intrusive. I just wanted to make sure that you have the almost wellbeing to enjoy your new little family. Warmest wishes from Scotland, Marie x

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