Saturday, 5 January 2013

Wedding Poems

It is the anniversary of Thomas's death soon. All words are flown, and with them levity. My friends, I wish I could make possible your desire to be with me; but in this I am alone, even as I feel your love. 

For want of direction, I re-read the poems, written by me, which my good friend Sam read at our wedding. Here they are:



Poem for Thomas

I walk in to your study to tell you I love you.
You have your headphones on and your back to me.
I stand behind you and tell you anyway.
I tell you that you make my days, my life, special;
that I will try, when we have a family,
to be what a family needs me to be.
I will try to be bold when the urge to hide tugs me away.
I will try to remember that your faults are few and insignificant.
It does not matter if the milk does not return to the fridge.
It does not matter if you do not know what I told you this morning.
It does not matter if you never buy a birthday card.
It matters, more than my heart can hold,
the truth of it spilling down my cheeks and neck,
that you love me;
that you stand with me.
As I tell you all this
you nod your head to your private rhythm
because of course you know already.
The urge to kiss you is strong
but I can’t stop watching you,
wondering at you.
I tell you I think you are brilliant.
You nod harder.
I laugh.
You turn and grin.




He and I

The day is old and beautiful.
The music stopped a while ago.
He and I dance in the living room,
Dancing slow for my knees and his heart -
A lifetime of dancing and loving paying its toll.
He and I dance our forgotten dreams,
Lost hopes,
Flown children.
He and I dance as darkness falls on our shared life;
Smiling because it’s been so good
Crying because so little is left to do.
He and I keep dancing,
Keep daring to know all of each other,
Keep dancing towards death,
But all the while dancing together in life.
He and I
Old and beautiful



 Thomas on Our Honeymoon

40 comments:

  1. Beautiful, Lunar. I love that first poem. You have such a way of describing the truth of love, and I recognise my own feelings in your posts about it. I wish I could articulate them as well as you. Sending you strength and big love for the hard road ahead xxx

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  2. A salute to your beautiful wordsmithing, your strong love, your loving strength, your alchemical skill of the heart, to the wonderful person you are, and to dear Thomas
    x x x x x

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  3. Lovely wise woman with an ache inside we can't help,sending you love to surround you anyway and courage for each day to get up and be the beauty you are, loving you and Thomas and Ember and Philippa tooxxx

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  4. I hope so much that in your alone you do feel my (all of our) love, and that you remember always that just as Thomas is indelibly stamped on your heart, on your soul, on your life - so he is (in a different way - I know) on ours, and so are you and Ember.
    With so much love and grace and gratitude to you for being who you are. xxx

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  5. Beautiful words for a lovely man- I wish I'd had a chance to meet him.
    As I know, there will always be a part of you that is his, whatever else the future brings.

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  6. There is such love in your words, Lunar. You are a true heart and a true artist. Thank you for sharing your life and inspired wisdom with the world.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Beautiful words Lunar, they express so much. I hope that you get through the day by thinking of what a marvellous man Thomas must have been. You were so much in love. My thoughts are will you and your daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Such beautiful, sad, powerful word-magic you spin, Lunar.

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  9. Lunar, these are so incredibly beautiful. Your love for Thomas just shines through them.

    Please know, while you are right, this is a path you walk alone, there are many of us out here whose thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. As so many others are, I am thinking of you and Ember, and your Thomas. I know you have to walk this path by yourself, but that's not quite the same as walking it alone. The love and thoughts of so many people are lights along the way. Take care, Lunar.
    xxx

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  11. My heart aches for you, as you approach the anniversary of your loss of Thomas. Across so many miles your words make it very real, what we all fear to happen. I'm sending you and Pickle all the best energy. Lois

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  12. I remember that day Lunar. The way the guests, magnificent in faerie finery, appeared mysteriously in the mist as we approached the rocky summit - I imagined us all lost on the edges of Avalon that day. Truly magical and deeply moving. I am honoured to have been part of that celebration - a forever-in-my mind memory. Sending love to join that of others to warm this standing alone vigil. Remember to sing, Lunar xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some days there is little but singing :o).

      Delete
  13. Lune, I knew it already, but reading 'He and I' just now made me realise how deeply you and Thomas loved each other. That love clearly lives on in you today. I see Thomas all over; I feel him in my heart, and although my eyes miss him, my heart senses him as someone not in the past, but in the present.
    May you find comfort over this time. Love to you.

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  14. your words always go straight to my heart lovely. Thinking of you...may your memories be sweet xxxxxx

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