Sunday 1 January 2012

Stomping out the fear

My husband, too ill to move, signals for a kiss from his bed.
Our daughter races ahead of me and wins the prize.
Losing never felt so good.


Another small stones month. I'll write one whenever I'm here, but that won't be much. Thomas is leaking energy daily, and with it strength and colour. Pickle is volcanic with energy - many walks a day, ever increasing, and phenomenal rages when thwarted. She feels our fear too, and wisely takes our feet, hers and mine, to stomp it across fields, leave it in little piles under trees, scatter it on the fierce winds which whip round us every night or into the newly thunderous streams. Sometimes she just stops and roars. So do I. Sometimes she just stops and cries. So do I. Sometimes she just wants her mum to carry her. So do I. But I am the mum. That's feeling heavy right now; heavy with responsibility and with privilege and black hole-heavy with love.

Our future is unknown; could hold anything, just like yours. 2012, the Age of Kali Ma, Mayan prophecies, squabbling consultants wielding power they cannot hold, the greatest heart I know struggling to tick-boom like it needs to... whatever. It's cold and wet and windy and muddy and dark outside and we've got some stomping to do.

18 comments:

  1. feeling for you both.
    I lost my Man last May. The powerlessness, yet feeding him mental strength.

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  2. Oh Darling, sending so much love to you three, and breath and beats of my heart. xxx

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  3. Tried to read your small stones out loud to Ashley and only got halfway.Much love to you all in this hard time for you, sending you candlelight and love.Big hugs to you allxxx

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  4. Wishing you well, and the strength to keep walking. I shall have a candle burning for you all tonight. May the new year bring a return to health and lighter hearts.

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  5. This made me cry. Your writing is stomping too.
    You are not alone dear friends xxx
    Here's to a year of thrumming health and hope rewarded xxx

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  6. Anything we can do, let us know.
    We two will see you three tomorrow for scran and grog.
    T xxx

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  7. Made me cry to, and I am the man in the poem! For all my friends it is not yet as bad as that except perhaps symbolically - I am getting up each day and doing some stuff. It is frightening to think it might be heading that way and to not be able to give out the strength or knowledge to my family to help them with it (through it hopefully). Pickle is too small to be able to really get it - I am sad I cant give her more wild and fun times. I remember taking my girl on long walks in the backpack last year, and am so great full for that, and that she loves the outside so much. I cant comprehend where Lunar is finding her strength from. What a lucky man I am to have such a wife and child!

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  8. Can't help but feel there must be something we can all do to help? The power of the collective is potent and growing daily and there is love in abundance for you guys, why not put it to good use..........somehow! X

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  9. Sending you our thoughts and prayers...

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  10. Oh Lunar, I am sending you hugs and love and warm winds from the southern hemisphere to wrap you and your man and your little pickle in to keep you safe and warm through the cold winter. May all be well soon, my thoughts are with you. xxx

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  11. Let me join in the chorus of sending you strength and love from a world away. Perhaps it's like a storm that draws power as it goes and by the time it reaches you, it will be enough. Enough, such an underestimated word, enough being all you need.
    Love.

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  12. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thomas is back in hospital - in Bristol as of yesterday, so we are decamping too, to stomp out a new territory for we know not how long - but we are feeling he is where he needs to be and finally getting the help his mighty heart is calling for. Keep sending the love, people. It can do nothing but good. And love to you all for this beautiful new year.

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  13. holding all your hands in this darkness and thankful for the bright ember that shines in your world. From little embers great flames can come. xxxxx

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  14. Sending you both positive energy, love and hugs....

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  15. More thanks.
    We are now all home and better than before.
    May all your hearts be strong.

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  16. Sending my thoughts and best wishes to you and your family.

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  17. Lunar, sending all my hugs and love and healing energy to you and your family. Our moon is the most powerful at this time of it's cycle. Take strength from that.
    Hugs Luna

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  18. I haven't managed to write a new post yet, but Thomas has died. Pickle and I are still open far all good vibes coming our way, though.
    And, Luna, I have never been so powerful. It's quite amazing.

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